Overcome your fears

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When I was little I was terrified of falling asleep and that my hand, by carelessness or relaxation, drop out of my bed and was rubbing the floor. The reason was that, as I recall, when I was a few years old I saw a monster, an entity or bug, of those that children see, that was coming to “eat my hand” (or who knows what it was coming for, the thing is that it was sneaking under the door of my room and was pouncing on me). Because of that fear and what I was seeing, for some time I had to sleep being sure that no part of my body would stand out of my bed.

When I had a little more consciousness, as I grew older, I began to think that the only way to check if the “monster” was still waiting to attack me in my dreams was to put him a bait. If I wanted to overcome the fear of night attacks I had to stand up and give him a good beating, if I had the opportunity to do so, so I started to sleep again leaving an arm hanging on purpose that almost grazed the ground. Neither the first night, nor the second, nor any of the following, the monster of my first years appeared on my placid nights of rest. The fact of being able to fall asleep leaving the arm hanging made me realize from then on that I was no longer afraid of anything that could appear even if it had a very bug face.

Our deepest fears are our biggest obstacle

We all have fears, phobias and apprehensions: fear of public speaking, fear of relating to people, fear of success (a most common one), fear that things will go well, afraid of being loved, afraid of being harmed, and so I could go on for days. These fears are hidden in our mental and emotional body, at subconscious and unconscious level, and block us until someone or something brings them to the surface and makes it patent. The worst thing that someone can do is to bring out a facet of ours that we don’t want to face, because that means seeing it suddenly reflected and having to deal with something that we would want well-buried within us. However there is no greater obstacle to our personal development than not wanting to face and overcome that wall that we ourselves have built internally in most cases.

Identifying our greatest fear

The first step to overcome something is to identify it. It’s not a matter of suddenly diving in and seek all that we have buried inside us, so the idea is to select that which at this moment is creating us most prejudice (for not allowing ourselves to improve or advance in one or more areas of our life). Maybe you’re terrified of going out to meet new people and that’s turning you into a loner, maybe being afraid of public speaking is blocking your career chances, maybe your fear of getting hurt is making your relationship not working well at 100%. Identify what is now blocking you most and write it down.

Assuming our fear is the first step to overcome it

There is a technique called EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) that has had much success due to, among other things, it teaches us to assume what we want to overcome. The idea is to repeat (mentally, aloud and/or in a written form) something like: despite that I’m afraid of XXXX, I accept myself completely and deeply, I accept myself as I am… etc. Any variant of the previous sentence will work. The idea is to bring to the conscious mind what we want to face, and of course eliminate. Once it has come out of the darkness of our subconscious, we already have won the first battle of our war.

Search for the causes (not so) apparent of that fear

What induces us to behave like this or to have that fear we can not control? If it is really something very deep rooted, a phobia, a deep trauma, etc., the inner work that we will have to do is much longer and serious than if it is something moderately transient of which we have clearly identified its cause. If we are not able to work through it by ourselves, we can seek help in disciplines such as personal coaching, some type of therapy, alternatives such as hypnotism or regressions, etc. Knowing the root of the problem is more than winning a battle, it’s almost like giving the final thrust to the opposing army general.

Face it and get over it

Finally the next step is to recreate a situation in which before we felt paralysed or afraid to act: make that conference in front of 100 people, go to a bar and talk to strangers, express your deepest feelings to whomever you want them to know, open up to prosperity and abundance. It takes a certain amount of courage and value, but it’s your only alternative if you really want to get over it. The time it takes for you to get to feel comfortable when you first felt terrified is not important, what is important are two things: the method or technique you will have learnt about how to go eliminating internal barriers, and the confidence of knowing that no matter what you have inside, it can be overcomed.

Translated from David Topi´s spanish version by Katia Moral. Follow her work via Facebook and Instagram.

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